Today was my last Creative Non-fiction class with Amye Archer. I’m so sad about that because not only is she a rockin’ teacher, but our class was truly awesome. We had such a good mix of people, and by the end of the class, I wasn’t the only one admitting my screw-ups! It was really awesome to see some of the class develop into amazingly sharp writers. Others were already good when they came in, but just needed a push to get them started. Anyway, I’m going to miss the comaderie we all shared.
I’ve made a lot of discoveries over the last year, but none so huge as the one that I made today. Amye asked us to write about where we are going as writers in the coming years. I have a plan to go to grad school and all that, but I couldn’t write about it. Why? Because all I can think of is, Oh my God, I’m going to have to commit to a genre! But I can’t do that! I love them all! What’s a girl to do?
I’m afraid to commit to a genre. I’m afraid to commit to a project. I can commit to a relationship, a child, a friend, or a job, but I absolutely can not commit to a writing project. I wonder why that is? Is it because I’m afraid it will consume my life, and take me away from the responsibilities of children, marriage, and schoolwork? Am I afraid of success? Maybe I’m afraid that I might actually be good at something; good enough to make people stand up and notice me. Or, maybe, just maybe, it’s fear that I’ll finish something, and then have to go through the hell of trying to sell it. Maybe I’m afraid that commiting to a genre for a project will limit me. Who knows?
The point is, I’m running out of time to commit. Truly commit to a project, not only for a semester, but until it’s done. I’m having panic attacks about Capstone (2 semester graduation project) in the fall. I literally feel like I’ll propose something, get approved, and then want to get out of it. I need to get my butt in gear, get over the fear, and just commit, damn it!
Share your commitment fears with me. What is it that you’re afraid to commit to?